So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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