Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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