u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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