I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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