Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
