i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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