I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
