He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
