the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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