Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
