SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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