You can't special order awesome
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
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i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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