I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
