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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.

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• (707): View more from California

  he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?

  (1-707): View more from California

  logic in its finest

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• (516): View more from New York

  i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.

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• (845): View more from New York

  she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave

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• (323): View more from California

  It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences

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• (210): View more from Texas

  Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read

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• (925): View more from California

  We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate

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