dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
