Already got asked if we're dating
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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