just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
being pregnant is like rehab
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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