His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
