O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
