I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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