The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
