After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
our cab driver is having phone sex.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish you could order shots online.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
