I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
