Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
