I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's shark week go big or go home
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
