she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
