wakey wakey hands off snakey
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
