I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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