when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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