Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We need to get me chipped asap
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
