So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I smell stomach acid.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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