I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
