After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You're like the curious george of whores
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
