I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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