Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
