just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
