She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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