you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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