All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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