epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
