Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
