I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
