I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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