So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
God, you're like boner-b-gone
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
