he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
