I wish I could punch you in the face.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
wow bdsm is so cute
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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