you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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