You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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