did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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