im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
