I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
there was a trapeze. enough said
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
