i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
