ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
