Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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