i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
