college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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