Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
