the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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