Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
