the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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