Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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