He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
