Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
