i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
