Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
