i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
even my farts smell like vagina
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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