This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
