dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
