Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
