Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
