Yo dont text me then not text me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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