I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
