Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
