Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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