Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
