Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
