Ambien. No doubt about it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
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All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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