can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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