life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
